Second chances don't come around What's done is done you should've thought of that Before you lied down and changed your life in an instant You're never gonna be the same you're gonna miss it
I know you wanted something real Something that's forever So tell me how does it feel That it's gone
You gave it all away you didn't even think about it Gave it all away now there's nothing left to give I know the years go by but you can't forget The look in his eyes, broken promises filled with regret Now you've learned to be strong You'll never get back now what you lost
I know you wanted something real Something that's forever So tell me how does it feel That it's gone
You gave it all away you didn't even think about it Gave it all away for the moment You gave it all away now there's nothing left to say about it You gave it all away now there's nothing left to give
So give it back what you've taken from me 'Cause I don't want to live with this insanity
You gave it all away you didn't even think about it Gave it all away for the moment You gave it all away now there's nothing left to say about it Gave it all away now there's nothing left to give
I'm bored out of my mind right now, I really need to get a job. Eh. I also need more people to talk too, after a while talking to yourself doesn't cut it ;P. I did make a few friends in church though thats a plus. Sometimes I sit and wonder how the people I used to hangout with would react to how much I've changed in the last year, or however long it has been. As it stands right now, I being human, would never be able to fully get over not only what I've done to some but what some have done to me. But I guess thats part of the Christian walk, learning how to forgive and be forgiven yourself.
I wish I could just say, hey lets hangout or, I'm just gonna go up to the place of old and see whats going on, but I'm too much of a coward to do so. Or play vampire, as I'm not as quiet as I used too be. Primarily, the looks alone would frighten me. Secondly their judgments, just speculating at this point but I bet the first thought in most peoples mind would be "What the f is he doing here?" again thats the coward in me, and the one I listen to the most, fear is a very powerful emotion.
Its not like I started writing this to offend anyone, or anything like that. I had no idea what I was gonna talk about in the first place, so if your pissy about anything I've said, I apologize and understand it was not meant to be so.
Fear, as I read over this and get a revelation of something...Fear can hold us back, fear can stoop us to new lows, fear can kill, fear can save. My fear of judgment can be a two sided blade, good and bad. Being afraid of his or being afraid of theirs when compared would seem minuscule, the fear I have of his could never compare to theirs, they can think and speak their evil words, he can destroy my soul. I can do things that would appease their wrath and make me seem cool, while bringing his judgment down on me and have him burn my soul. Or I could bare their looks and judgments and appease his ways, keep my soul for eternity, and who knows get married. Lets see how that goes. :)
I could go on, but there are other times and places.
As always most of my thoughts I imagine wont be read. So this one is no different, specially being religious in nature... As I meditate the night away I think, you guessed it on godly related items. One line of thought came to mind. All throughout the bible there are types and shadows, as the bible "humpers" like to call it. An example, the sacrificing of a lamb for the cleansing of sin for the Israelites, they laid their hands on the animal to place the sin of them on it, then they bled the animal and sacrificed it. To expand on it, Jesus would be the lamb -took the sins- he would be bled -on the cross- and sacrificed -like the lamb-
With that thought in mind, as we have an example of a "shadow/type" I can continue. These shadows are throughout the bible, all pointing to, Jesus. -Ok got it, what of it?- So now that we know what a shadow is and what it points to we have to assume that god was in control of all that was going on from the beginning, of course this is easier when you have a base of belief.
All of those points to bring this logic. If god, who has controlled everything since the beginning; -he was the one who told the Israelites to lay the hands on the lamb- set the wrath that was going to fall on Jesus from the beginning.
The way that this all came about in my mind was this way. I assumed for a second or two, that Jesus who took the hit as I like to put it, was not there to take it. Then that wrath would've fallen on me. I assumed also that seeing the wrath which was set, and was coming, then I would not be here, since there are no more humans.
Well if you don't want to think about it that way. Imagine I was alive back then, I would've died if Jesus didn't take the wrath. All of this really only works if you know these few things, Jesus, The Father and the Holy Spirit after Adam, made a plan to reunite with humanity, they had to sacrifice, first animals through the bible until Jesus, the last sacrifice, keep in mind also that he had a free will, like you and I, so at any time he could've said "Why give my life for these men?"-love would be the answer- it kinda brings the whole point together, what if he didn't? Where would I be?
Through one man sin did come in, through one man was it taken out. Thank God he was there to take it for me. Makes a lot more sense in my little mind to give my life to em when he willingly gave his to save mine.
Simply, no Jesus, no me. With Jesus a lot of me. Putting all of this into words is quite difficult.
Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life
When I feel down and out, when it feels like I have nothing else to turn too I turn to the good news I find in the music I now listen too. I hope it can be the same for those who also feel the same, give it a try, never know.
01. Open your iTunes [or Winamp, or RealPlayer, or MusicMatch, Windows Media Player OR any usually neglected Linux players including Rhythmbox, Quod Libet, AmaroK, or Noatun. 02. Sort by song title. 03. Share the first song you have for for each letter.
A - A Crow Left Of The Murder - Incubus B - B.Y.O.B - System Of A Down C - Call To Worship - MercyMe D - Daisy - Switchfoot E - Easier Than Love - Switchfoot F - Fade To Black - Metallica G - Gather At The River - Point Of Grace H - Hallelujahs - Chris Rice I - I Believe - Hillsong J - Jambi - Tool K - Karma Police - Radiohead L - Last One Standing - MercyMe M - Made For TV Movie - Incubus N - Nails In Your Hands - MercyMe O - Obstacle 1 - Interpol P - Paint The Town Red - Delirious Q - Question - System Of A Down R - Reality - Big Dismal S - Sad But True - Metallica T - Take It All - Hillsong U - Unbreakable - Alicia Keys V - Vampire Heart - Him W - Wait For Me - Rebecca St. James X - Nothing starting with X Y - Yellow - Coldplay Z - Zee Deveel - Incubus
Is this the New Year or just another night? Is this the new fear or just another fright? Is this the new tear or just another desperation?
Is this the finger or just another fist? Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss? A misdirection, most in all this desperation
Is this what they call freedom? Is this what you call pain? Is this what they call discontented fame?
It'll be a day like this one When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in
I'm singing this one like a broken piece of glass From broken arms an' broken noses in the back Is this the New Year or just another desperation?
You're pushing till you're shoving You bend until you break Till you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay
It'll be a day like this one When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in
There's nothing here worth saving, Is no one here at all? Is there any net left that could break our fall?
It'll be a day like this one When the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard? Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?
It'll be a day like this one When the world caves in When the world caves in When the world caves in
Is there nothing left now? Nothing left to sing Are there any left who hasn't kiss the enemy? Is this the New Year or just another desperation?
Does justice never find you? Do the wicked never lose? Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?
And nothing is okay Till the world caves in Till the world caves in Till the world caves in Till the world caves in Till the world caves in Until the world caves in Until the world caves in Until the world caves in Until the world caves in Until the world caves in Until the world caves in
So what happened this weekend? Well I went to a wedding and the girl of my dreams was there, she was a bridesmaid, the most beautiful girl on this planet, and no one will ever compare to her beauty, it saddens me that I could not tell her these words to her face, but theres a time and a place for everything, even love has its time. And I know my time with her will either come because i will tell her how I will feel, or it wont by her denying me my heart, and if so then theres "plenty of other fish" out there.
Another thing happened there, I cried my eyes out to my former preacher, no idea why, but he knew what was wrong and what to say to fix it. Some issues that don't need to be said out loud or here period. This was at the wedding reception, with about 100 people or so, and I have no shame in it, why? because of that act, I feel like a completely new person, I quit smoking cigarettes and haven't smoked in 4 days, and never will I go back to them. Been smoking for years and by the grace of God I gave them up in one second. Believe me or not, its true, and a fool is what I would call you if you did not believe truth. Ive lost all the habits that were me, WEED, cigarettes, alcohol, evil friends and their evil deeds and found myself with friends who would stick with me through the good and the bad, and right now all ive been going through is bad situations, I wonder If i would have still been with the crowd I hung out with back then, which one of them would stick it through with me. None. Seeing as they are not with me now. Hehe Love.
I'll continue on my walk, If I were to stop, It would be, retarded...When going through hell, keep going. I hope someone can at least start walking out of hell and towards heaven. GOD BLESS.
Sigh I havent posted any words in a while so let me just say a few things here. This last few weeks have been interesting. To me atleast, there are alot of things in my mind that I cant seem to be able to figure out, like my folks, every once in a while they remind me that they want to move out of Jacksonville, really I have no problem with this but if they left now I would have to go with them, this only really affects me since I would not be missed by any here, well maybe one or two.
The other thing is this girl I like, I swear I will never understand what girls want, well I know they want a guy with a job and a car and alot of money and other material things, which for now I cannot provide, yet I still dont think my lack of these material possesions justifies her complete and total ignorance of my existance. I mean "Hey im right here sitting in front of you, the least you can say is hi" no wonder the idea of giving up on women comes up to my mind so often, no im not turning gay, im just saying, I wanna give up on finding one.
See this is where the girl I like and I cant seem to meet up with each other, shes stuck on the now, and im looking in the future, for one I know I wont be poor for long, I know the promises that have been given to me, but she cant seem to get that. Or believe them for that matter, well not like ive told her, but its not like even if I did tell her she would care either way, shes still hung up on that other guy who treated her badly and tried to control her life.
Sigh its like a romantic anime, if you've ever seen some of them like Kare Kano or Fruit Baskets, the two lovers go through all this crap while they are aware of each others existance and it seems all the odds are agaisnt them and somehow the least likely "The hero" always wins...I find myself always loving these types of animes and the impossible to get girl, cuz they always relate to what im going through in one way or another, im the hero in this case, the least likely to win, but the victory is already there and will be much more incredible if I hold fast to what I believe is true... I guess maybe I'll find the most unlikely to be "my girl" and live a happy life...Its always around this time -1am to 2am- that my mind wants to ramble on and on - on stuff that really only ONE cares about...-You know what I mean by ONE-
I mean, look at all ive typed here. Will it ever touch someone? One can only hope. Will it ever make someone think just a little bit? Maybe. I am being very general in my discussion, done purposely aswell? "Yes". I'll just stay quiet for a few more days...Till we meet again.
My heart is steadfast of God And I will sing With all my heart and soul Music for the King And I will awake the dawn With my praise to you O Lord
[CHORUS:] How great is Your love So much higher than the heavens With faithfulness that reaches the sky How great is Your love So much higher than the heavens With faithfulness that reaches the sky O how great is Your love
Praise the Lord O my soul And glory to the King Forever You are robed with majesty We come to you O Lord And Lay our praise at your feet
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE:] Be exalted O God and let Your glory reign Be exalted O God and let Your glory reign Let it reign Let it reign Let it reign Let it reign Let it reign Let it reign
Want to get to know You better I want to understand what matters to You I want to know what moves You deeply I want to see the world the way You do
What breaks Your heart What makes You cry What would I see If I looked through Your eyes I want to grow closer and closer to You 'Til what breaks Your heart Will break mine too
Don't want to be numb to injustice Don't want to get used to the evil I see Don't want to grow cold to those who wander Or forget about those who don't believe
What breaks Your heart What makes You cry What would I see If I looked through Your eyes I want to grow closer and closer to You 'Til what breaks Your heart Will break mine too
Sometimes You weep with us In the things that we go through I long for tenderness So that I might weep with You (at)
What breaks Your heart What makes You cry What would I see If I looked through Your eyes I want to grow closer and closer to You 'Til what breaks Your heart Will break mine too
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